JUST IN LOVE LIVING IN A NIRVANA

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?

2011-01-05T17:11:00.003+08:00

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

-Anonymous

The One That Got Away...

2011-01-04T23:49:00.006+08:00

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special and ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with… and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person nor flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully, you’re single or be in a long-term relationship, or be married with three kids…it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you have changed. And for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” , “What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?” .The one that got away is– the biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a “might have been,” but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple –find him or find her. The very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder…what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee. Ask her out to a movie. It doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is your “the one that got away.” You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow. It would be a great feeling in the end, to be able to say to someone, “Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away.”

(Mark J. Macapagal, The Manila Times)

Moving on... Looking forward...

2010-12-14T01:08:00.003+08:00

Little by little, I will get by,
Step by step, I will reach it high,
Moving on, Looking forward,
Waiting for the brand new day to arrive.

If Only…

2010-08-22T13:15:00.000+08:00

I hate these feelings

This feeling of loneliness
This feeling of emptiness
This feeling of being left alone
This feeling of wanting someone

I can't contact you
You're out of reach
I can't see you
You seem so far

I'm missing your voice
I'm missing your frown
I'm missing your smile
I'm missing YOU

If only I can see your smile and capture it in frames
If only I can hold your hands and never let it go
If only I can walk with you, wherever, whenever
If only I can

I would...

Change...

2010-08-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

if you didn't saw me as a changed person before... i'm sorry for that...
i never loved anyone else the way i loved you... and still loving you...
you can't blame me for losing my positive side...
you can't blame me for shouting negatively...
only i, myself, is to blame...

Loving Someone From A Distance...

2010-08-02T00:18:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to been slaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the person of deeds and not for the person of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the person you love but the person who loves you more. The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being.

To let go of someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find their own HAPPINESS without expecting the person to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all fears, bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.

Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may have found peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow.

We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.

The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just friendship, or the feelings the person might have for you is just too far from how you love that person. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still un-rewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don’t have to be bitter on love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love someone more deserving. Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but also to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow: If you lose love it doesn’t mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you.

Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

“When you lose someone, and you think you were the one who loved most, between the two of you, that someone lost more. For someday you can love someone the way that you loved that someone, but that someone will never be loved again the way that you did.”

I Still Believe In Happy Endings...

Person...

2010-07-30T10:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we were so messed up, we forget what's the worth of a person who once touched our life. This person already surrendered itself on helping us make it through this hardships we're in. Guide as along the way, clear our path, straighten our lives, and yet we still end up wounding the person deeply, so deeply that the person couldn't help but breakdown and cry.

For the second time in our life, we hurt the person, break the person. We were so focused on ourselves. We we're being so insensitive. So insensitive that we only think of ourselves, we only want the spotlight for us.

We don't do that! We don't need to be selfish. We need to understand the person too. We need to understand that we were putting the person too in this hardships we're in. We need this person. We can't do this on our own.

Yes we're brave, strong, independent. But being brave, strong and independent is not enough. We need the person to guide us, teach us what's right from wrong, teach us how to handle these kind of things, show us the light at the end of the dark tunnel, and most of all, be there for us along the way until the end.

Sana...

2010-07-28T17:06:00.004+08:00

Sana kaya kitang pasayahin... pasayahing muli... sana kaya kitang alagaan... alagaan muli ... sana akin ka na lang... akin ka na lang muli... sana ako na lang.. ako na lang ulit... Sana makita ka... makitang muli... sana makasama ka... makasamang muli... sana habambuhay... magpakailanman...

Nothing...

2010-07-10T14:56:00.001+08:00

It all started out as just plain nothing
From nothing it became something
From something it became existent
From existence it became life
From life it became the beginning
From beginning it became the ending
From ending it became death
From death it became something
Something that ended back to nothing...

Borrowed Time...

2010-07-08T19:12:00.001+08:00

Sooner or later, I'll pass away. When I'm gone, I know you'll miss me. You'll realize how much you were cared for, how much you were treasured, and how much I loved you.

3 Things...

2010-07-07T20:32:00.001+08:00

There are 3 THINGS a person needs in life.
1 - LOVE - to make you weak.
2 - ALCOHOL - to make you strong.
3 - FRIENDS - to pick you up when LOVE and ALCOHOL made you hit the floor.

Just In Love Living In A Nirvana…

2010-06-17T20:47:00.000+08:00

It’s almost two months now but seems it’s like forever. I’m still feeling this emptiness, this large part of my heart that’s missing, this pain and this sadness. I can still feel my heart breaking into million pieces. I’m still waking up at night just to find myself crying.

But I need to get past these things. I need to move on and stand up. But the big question is “HOW?”

How can I remove someone that’s already been part of my soul? How can I stop loving someone just by the flick of my fingers or just by a blink of an eye? How can I not long for that embrace where everything would be okay? How can I not miss someone’s voice that’s music to my ears? How can I not miss those big brown eyes that when they look at me, I can see my own soul?

She created a deep well within me. She filled it up with laughter and happiness, joyous things that I never imagined. And now, that well is still wide and deep, but filled with sorrow and longing. How can I empty a bottomless well?

It is so easy to fall in love. But to recover from love or to get over from love, it might be easier to retrieve and collect every drop of rain that falls from the sky and put them back to the clouds where they fell.

After several wondrous months of being with her, loving her, adoring her, caring for her, constantly looking for new ways to express my affection and devotion, I must abruptly give that up. I must simply not to love her anymore. How am I supposed to make soul-deep love die?

I have lived through those dark hours in my life. I have lived through my share of troubling emotions in my life. I have developed strength and endurance that carried me across seas of sadness and through fields of fear. But is this a challenge for which I am not equipped? Am I facing a formidable foe? Am I weaker than I imagined?

Who knows if time really heals all wounds, or ever diminished this love. Is there a love that time can never break their hold? So great, so profound and so true. My love for her grew into immense proportion and reaches the deepest of my soul. Some of my friends told me that these sweet memories, both thrill and torture will fade into pleasant, unemotional, recollections. But I still wonder, how can my eyes forget a beauty that once made them cry? How can my skin forget those soft fingers that expressed tender love and care?

Images of her may fade. But memories of her are etched into my being that I fear will only be gone when I’m gone. I know that I am like a bird with broken wings, it will heal and fly again. But I am afraid that I will not fly again as high as I flew with her. It seems that this great love, this magnificent love with so much laughter and happiness, is a burden that puts me in emotional quicksand, pulling me down, suffocating me and killing me. And this love is an ultimate irony. It takes me both to the highest of high and to the lowest of low. It brings happiness, it brings devastation. It made me a hero and a fool. It made me whole and broke me apart. Why do I grieve so? No one died, only my heart. I am alive but not well. I've lost something I cherished, and for which there is no replacement.

I would not give up the love I shared with her. Even suffering is ahead, I would choose it again, for this love is worth whatever price, whatever pain. Even in my grief and hurt, I still thank God for letting me experienced this wonderful and overwhelming love.

So here I am, in love, without the love of my life on my side. No quick fix to cure me of this condition. No blinking of an eye, no crossing of fingers. And if does one manage to accomplish things like this quickly, I’ll say that it is not a true love. So I must simply endure and wait. Wait until my life fades, wait until the gradual erosion of my love, just as the sea rush to shore, just as the wind blows into an empty space, just as the moon goes round the earth. Just as our seasons change, so I shall make the best, little by little, moment by moment, day by day, moving in tiny fractions of time until one day I’ll wake up and realize, I do not love her. Or will I?

Just In Love Living In A Nirvana… I still believe in HAPPY ENDINGS…

Fragile...

2010-06-16T02:58:00.000+08:00

How does one remove something that has become part of his soul? And consider my condition. My heart does not feel broken so much as it feels as if it has simply stopped. Yet in this fragile state, I am expected to summon up the will and strength to overcome love, the world's strongest force?

Dead...

2010-06-15T01:49:00.000+08:00

KRYSTAL is dead...

Goodbye Photography...

T_T

Why...

2010-06-14T03:32:00.000+08:00

Why can’t I stop missing you? Cause I need you. Why can’t I stop caring for you? Cause you mean so much to me. Why do I need you in my life? Cause you’re the only one who makes my life complete. Why am I saying this to you? Cause I love you so much that I can never let you go.

Images Of You...

2010-06-13T15:22:00.001+08:00

Will my eyes ever forget a beauty that once stunned them into tears? Will my skin forget the fingers that expressed such tender love through the softest of touches? Will my ears not recall the laughter that, in the worst of times, made life brim with hope and spirit? And how shall my heart forget the love and devotion that made every emotion I ever felt before seem pale in comparison? Yes, the images may fade, and recollections of words and events will probably get fuzzy. But there are memories so integrated into my being that I fear they shall pass only when I do.

Her Essence...

2010-06-12T03:19:00.000+08:00

I loved her with a desperate passion, not just in the way a body longs for another body, but with an intense passion for her soul, her essence. Now I miss her with the same fervor and ferocity with which I loved her and it is almost as if my pain is now my passion in how it consumes my heart and fills my days.

Pag-ibig...

2010-06-11T04:41:00.003+08:00

May makakapagsabi ba sa akin kung paano tanggalin ang tanikala ng pag-ibig? Paano ko matatakasan ang mahigpit na hawak ng pinagmumulan ng dalamhati, kalungkutan at kahungkagan? Paano ako hindi na iibig?

Dumadaloy ang mga payo ng aking mga kaibigan, “manatiling abala”, sabi nila. Ngunit ang pag-ibig ay mabigat na nasa puso ko kahit anong gawin ko. “Wag mo syang isipin”, payo nila. At hindi na rin ba ako hihinga? “Humanap ka ng iba”, rekomendasyon nila. Napupulot ba sa kalsada ang pag-ibig?

Tunay na pag-ibig ay hindi napapalitan, tiyak na hindi sa kaswal na palasintahan. Naniniwala ako na walang simpleng pamamaraan, o mga alituntunin kung paano hindi na umibig. Ang pag-ibig ay kusang dumadating, at kusang aalis kapag ito ay handa na, at hindi bago paman. At habang lumalakas ang pag-ibig, mas humahaba ang panahon nito.

O, tama, panahon -- ang dakilang manggagamot, sinasabi nila, ang tanging kilalang ginhawa. Ngunit hindi ako mabigyan ng kaginhawaan ngayon, hindi rin tiyak kinabukasan o marahil kahit sa susunod na isang libong kinabukasan.

Sabi sa lyrics ng kantang "I Need You Back" by Lea Salonga

Since you`ve gone I`ve always been alone
Feeling down and sorry for myself
I look at your picture and there I find
I won`t make it through another rain
Without your sunshine

I need you back...
I need you here to guide me
Please come back
You`re the only one who`s ever loved me
I need you back
Let`s start all over again
Share the love you had for me then

Mundo...

2010-06-10T04:56:00.002+08:00

Kung lahat ng tao eh kagaya mo, ayoko nang tumira dito sa mundong ito! Lilipat na ko ng planeta! Kase kung lahat ng nilalang eh kapareho mo, mahihirapan ako. Aba! Mahirap mahalin ang buong mundo!

Holding on...

2010-06-09T02:23:00.002+08:00

I keep holding on. Some say I'm stupid. Some say I'm crazy. But, they can never know what it was like. They can never know how it felt. I keep loving you. Most people call me pathetic. Most people call me insane. But, they can never know what I'm going through. They will never see what I see. They will never feel the way I feel. So, I'll just keep holding on and keep on loving you.

Today...

2010-06-08T00:38:00.002+08:00

Today, I love you more than I did yesterday. Tomorrow, I know I'll love you more than I do today. It's the unexplainable thing that I go through each and everyday. Falling even more in love with you in every single way.

Give up on her...

2010-06-07T03:34:00.000+08:00

Once I fell in love with someone very special and I told myself that I'll never gonna give up on her. But a month and a half ago, she asked me to. I tried really hard, but I couldn't. Kasi mahal na mahal ko sya.

Reason...

2010-06-06T03:57:00.000+08:00

You're the reason I live, you're the reason I'd die, you're the reason I smile yet breakdown and cry. You're the reason I keep going and the reason I fall. But without you in my life, I'm nothing at all.

Ulan…

2010-06-04T19:32:00.003+08:00

Tag-ulan na naman. Nakikiramay sa akin ang panahon. Nakikisabay sa pagluha ng aking damdamin. Sa pagdadalamhati at pangungulila. Sa pag-asang may babalik pa.

Sana pagkatapos ng tag-ulan, dumating ang tag-araw sa buhay ko at sana ako ay hindi na luluha pang muli.

Ngunit ngayon, sige, buhos pa ulan at mundo ko ay lunuring tuluyan, kung hatid mo man ay bagyo, dalangin ito ng puso kong sumasamo.

Sabi nga sa lyrics ng “Crying in the Rain” by Everly Brothers

Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never wash away my misery
But since we're not together
I'll look for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see

Sana sa darating na tag-araw… sana ako ay hindi na luluha pang muli…

My side...

2010-06-04T01:13:00.002+08:00

It's wrong for me to say that I can't live without you.
Because I have lived my life before I knew you.
So, Instead of saying that, I'd rather tell you this
"I would live a better life with you by my side..."

Life With You...

2010-06-03T05:07:00.000+08:00

If someone would ask me what a beautiful life means, I would take out my wallet, show to them your picture and answer them with a smile, "LIFE WITH HER IS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL."

Better...

2010-06-02T18:07:00.000+08:00

If I can just make everything fall where it should be, I would. If I could make life better for you, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is to let you know that mine has been better because of you.

Wondering...

2010-06-01T16:16:00.000+08:00

I often catch myself constantly wondering how you are, sitting alone with my mind set so far, reminiscing about your smile, your voice and touch. Damn this life! I’m missing you too much!

Pretending...

2010-05-30T02:53:00.001+08:00

Pretending is not my strong point.

I'm sorry.

Happy...

2010-05-25T13:17:00.001+08:00

Are you happier now that I'm not in your life anymore?

Bakit...

2010-05-24T12:39:00.002+08:00

Bakit nga ba ganon? Alam ko naman na kahit maka isang-libong text ako, hindi ka magrereply. Alam ko naman na kahit mag-email ako, hindi ka pa rin magrereply. Alam ko na kahit mag ym message ako, hindi ka talaga magrereply. Alam ko rin na kahit nababasa mo blogs ko, hindi ka pa rin magrereply.

Bakit nga ba ganon? Alam ko na itong lahat na ito pero hindi pa rin ako tumitigil.

Siguro mahal na mahal lang talaga kita. Siguro hindi pa lang ako nawawalan ng pag-asa. Siguro dahil buhay pa ako.

Sana man lang, bago ako pumanaw sa mundong ito, makita mo ulit ang kahalagahan ko.

I Know...

2010-05-22T01:20:00.001+08:00

I know you're reading this. I just hope it touches your heart.

**wishful thinking**
call me and i'll answer...

Maybe...

2010-05-21T02:26:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to do now that we're apart. I don't know how to live without the other half of my heart. No matter how many times I try and move on, my heart always takes me back here to you.

Don't say we're not right for each other, the way I see it, we're not meant for anyone else. Because life without you is like a broken pencil, there is no point.

Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again.

Even the sweetest words, could not bring you back. I know, because I tried. Even the saddest tears, could not make you care. I know, because I cried.

Maybe, just maybe, if I stay in my imagination, if I create my own fantasy. I can pretend nothing is wrong and that we're the way we use to be.

Laban...

2010-05-21T02:10:00.002+08:00

Huwag kang susuko kung nais mo pa rin sumubok,
Huwag mong punasan ang luha mo kung nais mo pa rin umiyak,
Huwag kang makuntento sa sagot kung nais mo pa rin malaman,
Huwag mong sabihing hindi mo na sya mahal kung hindi mo sya kayang bitawan.

Comfort Zone...

2010-05-20T00:30:00.000+08:00

Heto na naman ako, iniwan ko sya ng mahigit 16 na buwan, pero andyan pa rin sya at naghihintay sa akin. Mabuti pa sya, kahit anong nangyari hindi nya ako iniwan, tinatanggap nya pa rin ako kahit ilang beses ko na syang iniwanan. Ang dami na naming pinagsamahan, lungkot, ligaya, kahit ilang beses kong napagbalingan ng galit at inis ko, ilang beses kong hinagis, binalibag, sinipa at hinampas, hindi pa rin sya umalis.

Akala ko hindi na ko babalik sa kanya, akala ko pang-habang-buhay na yung kaligayahang nadama ko nung umalis ako sa piling nya. Hindi pala, lahat ng bagay ay may katapusan, hindi man natin gusto, hindi man natin matanggap dahil masakit sa loob natin, pero kailangan.

Malaking parte ng buhay ko ang nawala, hindi ko alam kung maibabalik ko pa, nabasag ang damdamin ko, hindi lang dalawa o tatlong piraso, milyong-milyong piraso. Hindi ko alam kung san ko sisimulan pulutin ang mga nakakalat na parte ng damdamin ko.

Sana sa pagbalik ko sa kanya, maghilom ang malalim na sugat sa puso ko, mabuo ulit ang nabasag kong damdamin. Alam ko naman na tatanggapin nya pa rin ako.

Sabi nga sa chorus ng kanta na I’LL BE OVER YOU ni TOTO

It takes some time.
God knows how long.
I know that I can forget you,
As soon as my heart stops breaking,
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through,
I’ll be over you.

Gaano ba katagal ang FOREVER?

It Is You...

2010-05-19T01:45:00.000+08:00

You are my life, you are my soul. Wish we could have been so much more. Because I've been loving you so real and you gave me reason to be here. I wish you knew, I wish you'd see, that you're the heaven within me.

Goodbye Photography...

2010-05-17T22:07:00.001+08:00

I can’t find my groove anymore. No matter how hard I try, it’s no more there. It’s like I’m back to square one, where I don’t have any idea what photography is. Everything is like ordinary to me. Whenever I hold my camera, I’m not having that exciting feeling that you want to capture great photographs. Just 1 or 2 clicks, I’ll put my camera down and leave it.

I already dropped my multiply site. I already removed my photos on my flickr account. Maybe I’ll continue to edit pictures just for the sake of making tutorials for my fellow photographers. I’ll continue to answer their queries as long as I know the answer.

Maybe I’ll sell my camera, or I’ll just give it away. I don’t know yet what to do with it. All I know, all I feel, I have no more reason to hold and use it.

Photography doesn’t excite me anymore. I find no more reason to continue taking pictures. I find no more reason to go on a road trip and take breathtaking photographs. I find no more reason to take photos of insects and little things. I find no more reason at all.

Did It Hurt...

2010-05-17T02:02:00.000+08:00

Someone once asked me, “Have you ever fallen in love?” Then I answered, “Of course.” Then they gave me another question, “Did it hurt?” I thought of you and cried. I told them, “Yes, very much.”

I Failed...

2010-05-16T22:37:00.001+08:00

People say that I have loved you my best. They say that my best was more than enough than what I could have offered and given you. I proved to the world how I sincerely love you. I proved to them how much I really do. The only thing is... I failed to prove it to you.

Loving You... Always...

2010-05-16T01:28:00.000+08:00

Every now and then, my eyes start to water, my heart feels the hurt and my mind starts to wonder. As I’m filled with memories, I realized that I still am deeply in love with you.

Why Can't I?

2010-05-15T13:09:00.001+08:00

Why do I want you back? Why can’t I hate you? Why can’t I let go of your memories? Why do I find it hard to forget you? So many why’s but the most unanswered why is why do I still love YOU even after you’ve said goodbye?

Fate

2010-05-15T01:12:00.002+08:00

Fate has brought us together, soon fate will keep us apart. But whatever fate may do to test us, how far the distance, how long the time, fate can never erase your place in my heart.

All I Ever Wanted

2010-05-14T14:20:00.000+08:00

all I ever wanted was someone to care for me.
all I ever wanted was someone who would be there for me.
all I ever wanted was someone who would be true.
all I ever wanted was someone like YOU.

Flower for My Grave

2010-05-13T00:36:00.003+08:00

I would rather have one little rose
From the garden of my love
Than to have the choicest flowers
When my stay on earth must end.

I would rather have a pleasant word
In kindness said to me
Than flattery when my heart is still,
And life has ceased to be.

I would rather have a loving smile
From my love I know it is true
Than tears shed 'round my casket
When to this world I bid adieu.

Bring me all your flowers today,
Whether pink, or white, or red
I'd rather have one blossom now
Than a truckload when I'm dead.

Loving You

2010-05-12T01:52:00.003+08:00

It's really hard not to talk to you when I want to. So hard not to see you when I need to. So hard not to be with you when I long for you. So hard not to love an angel like you when I already do.

It took me a long time finding you. You're someone I want to be with even after death. And if I find myself in heaven or in hell without holding your hand. I'll go searching for you all over again.

Don't let me walk alone, I want to walk by your side. Don't let me talk to someone else, it's you I want to talk with. Don't let me fall for someone else, it's you I fell in love with.

If there's one wish I want to come true, it's to share my life with you. If there's one thing I want to let you know, it's to say I LOVE YOU so. If there's one dream I want to hold on to, it's to be with you.

Everyone tells me to give up on you. They can't see you like I do. You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my whole world fell apart, you're the one who makes me cry, but I still love you and I don't know why.

Smile

2010-05-11T15:02:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I can't smile the way I used to do
Maybe because it's my heart that was broken into two
I just don't know until when I'll feel better
Because the only one that can make me smile again is YOU

Goodbye

2010-05-10T16:27:00.000+08:00

............

I Almost Killed Myself

2010-05-09T23:08:00.001+08:00

Everything is not okay. I don't feel well. I'm jobless for almost a year, no money, no savings, because of these, my gf left me. So what's left of me? Depressions already hitting me. :(

I went to Marikina Sports Center, I run like hell, like there's no tomorrow, i glanced at the bleacher, i saw many windows upstairs, it would be a 3 floors down, i know it, we used to have class on that bleacher.

I thought of going up, throwing myself out, 3 floors down, brain particles scattered all over the sidewalk.

But i didn't, you know why? Because I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm depressed, and all that running like hell, i can't even lift my foot on one step.

Maybe tomorrow, i won't run anymore, I'll just go straight up to the bleachers and throw myself out, 3 floors down, brain particles scattered all over the sidewalk.

You’re My Everything

2010-05-02T16:59:00.000+08:00

It didn’t cross my mind that our relationship will end. I never saw this coming and it’d hit hard. Up until now, I kept beating and asking myself, “What happened? Where did I go wrong? What can I do to win you back? What have I done to deserve this?” So many questions circling around my mind, but I don’t know where can I get the answers.

Ever since I met you, my world changed, you gave meaning to my life. I started to saw things from a different perspective. I enjoyed life with you. The laughter, tears and fights, it made me a different person, a better person. But now you’re gone, how can I be that better person? How can I get through the hardships in life if you’re not here by my side? How can I be happy if you’re the one who makes me happy? And now, I have nothing because you’re my everything.

I’m sorry.

I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to give up. I want you to stay. I want to spend my life with you. Grow old with you.

If God still listens, please give me back this happy ending.

I Hate Myself

2010-04-26T04:00:00.000+08:00

Being in love with you is the best thing that happened in my life. Being with you is the happiest moment of my life. I never thought my life would be happier until you came.

I did all I can do to make you happy. I did all I can do not to make you sad. I tried all my best to be a good boyfriend. And I know it wasn’t enough.

I thought we were starting over, but I guess I’m mistaken, we never started over.

I hate myself. I hate myself for all my wrongdoings. I hate myself for all my shortcomings.

I’m sorry.

It’s a long road ahead, I think I better start walking. Maybe along the way, and just maybe… There is a happy ending.

“After 15 months of laughter, smiles and tears I'm still madly in love with you~” – my love one

Empty

2010-04-26T01:32:00.001+08:00

I feel empty... :(

Boys Don't Cry

2010-03-12T11:12:00.000+08:00

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do

So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to
laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry

I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away

Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more

Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

Messed UP

2010-03-10T16:32:00.000+08:00

Messed Up

“Life’s not fair!”. These are the few words I kept on hearing almost everyday. Sometimes I think of that too, but who am I to complain? We chooses the path we take, we decides what we will do on our lives. Along the road, we made wrong choices, decisions that we regretted, but it’s already done, we can’t turn back the hands of time and correct our wrongdoings.

I know my life’s almost a mess. No work, no funds in case of emergency (God forbid). It’s been like forever since my last work. I’m getting interviews, sometimes, and I’m able to go up to the final interview. I don’t know what the problem is, maybe my skills are not enough for them, maybe this, and maybe that or maybe I’m the problem. My girlfriend keeps on telling me that I’m the problem why am I not getting the job after the final interview. And I don’t know why I am the problem. Can someone tell me why I am the problem?

I know I’m not that good for a boyfriend. A lot of shortcomings, and I’m sorry for that, but I’m doing my best or at least I know it’s my best to please you, make you happy, compensate for what I’m lacking. My life’s empty without you.

Have you ever wonder what’s life on the other side? Well, sometimes I wish I’m dead, free from all these miseries, but it’s not the way it is, you need to move on, carry on with your life. Life sometimes sucks, not the way you want it to be.

Be patient, this is one of the mottos I have in my life. I used to have a lot of this, but now, I don’t know when I will break down.

If You Love Someone

2009-01-13T13:59:00.000+09:00

image: raindrops on a leaf

If you love someone, ask them for nothing.

Don't hold them back from their destiny.

Don't keep them from going off in search of their own answers.

Don't ask them for commitment.
You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly and not as something obligatory.

Don't ask them for promises.

If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come.

And when that time arrives,
then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free,
and have instead gained a richer, fuller life,
a wealth of experiences,
and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should they not return to you,
then life hasn't cheated you because no promises were broken.
Your bitterness will not last long,
and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least,
this beautiful soul has colored your life,
that knowing them has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free,
you run a risk of them not returning.
But always remember that you found them beautiful precisely because they were free.
People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow,
but you can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever.

People CHOOSE to stay.

But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options.

Love has no restrictions and it is through mistakes that sometimes we see the right answer.

Because if you love someone,
you ask them for nothing
and they will come back to you.

"anonymous"

My Love

2009-01-07T15:20:00.001+09:00

My love is like an ocean
It goes down so deep
My love is like a rose
Whose beauty you want to keep.

My love is like a river
That will never end
My love is like a dove
With a beautiful message to send.

My love is like a song
That goes on and on forever
My love is like a prisoner
It's to you that I surrender

"anonymous"

Insensitive

2008-12-25T11:22:00.000+09:00

litrato: Alak na nakalalasing (mas mabilis kung ipupukpok sa ulo)

Masaya na ako at dumating ka sa buhay ko. Nagagawa ko na ulit tumawa, humalakhak, ngumiti. Hindi na ako yung dating si Elbert na tahimik, suplado, hindi makausap ng maayos. Lahat nagbago simula ng dumating ka. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ganito nararamdaman ko sayo. Ang mahalaga sa akin eh masaya ako sa nararamdaman ko, sana ganun ka din.

Isang text. Galit ka na. Ayaw mo na akong kausapin, replyan, ipinagtabuyan mo na ako. Ganon lang ba talaga kadali ang kaligayahang mararamdaman ko? Akala ko pang matagalan na. Pinasabik lang ba talaga ako?

Oo aaminin ko mahal na kita. Sa sandaling pinagkakilala natin eh nahulog na ang loob ko sayo. Araw-araw, oras-oras, minu-minuto, isasasama ko na rin ang segu-segundo na hindi ka nawaglit sa isipan ko.

Ngayon hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Akala ko magiging masaya na ang mga araw na darating pa sa buhay ko. Hindi pala at hindi ko alam kung magiging masaya pa. Gusto kong sumigaw, magwala, magalit sa sarili ko (engot, insensitive kase), magpakalasing para lang makalimutan ko kahit saglit itong sakit sa damdamin ko.

Ayoko na ng ganito. Hindi na ba ako magiging masaya? Lagi na lang bang sakit ang aking madarama? Lagi na lang ba akong iiyak, magmumukmok, ihihiwalay na naman ang sarili sa mundo?

Sabi nga sa lyrics ng Beer by Itchyworms

Ibuhos na ang beer sa aking lalamunan
upang malunod na ang puso kong nahihirapan
bawat patak, anong sarap
ano ba talagang mas gusto ko
ang beer na ‘to o ang pag-ibig mo?

Sympre mas gusto ko ang pag-ibig mo…..

pag-ibig nga kaya?

2008-12-23T11:08:00.000+09:00

litrato: ilaw

Ano bang gayuma meron ka?
Hindi ka mawaglit sa aking alala.
Natataranta at natutuliro.
Sino na nga ba ako?

Maari ka bang maging akin?
Gawing makulay ang mapanglaw kong damdamin.
Lagyan ng liwanag ang madilim kong daan.
Upang makarating sa aking patutunguhan.

Comfort Zone

2008-12-11T15:50:00.000+09:00

litrato: tanikala.. igapos mo ako at wag nang pakawalan pa..

Ilang araw na akong puyat, nagiisip, nagmumuni-muni, nagtataka kung bakit nagiging ganito takbo ng buhay ko ngayon. Ilang araw pa lang ang nakakalipas pero para bang buwan na ang nagdaan. Kelan lang eh tahimik ako sa comfort zone ko, masaya, lumalabas kasama ang mga kaibigan, papindot-pindot lang ng camera, umaasang makakakuha ng larawan na maganda.

Heto at bigla kang dumating sa buhay ko. Ilang araw pa lamang kitang nakikilala eh ang lakas na ng dating mo sa akin. Hinahanap hanap ang mga matamis mong ngiti, ang iyong pagtawa, pagsimangot, pagtataas ng boses at pag-aalala. Ikaw na nga ba ang matagal ko nang hinihiling? Makakapagpanumbalik ng kulay at ngiti sa aking buhay? Arrgg… Ewan ko. Hindi na ko sanay sa ganitong damdamin. Dahil sa iyo napalabas ako sa comfort zone ko.

a night to remember

2008-11-14T11:36:00.000+09:00

collections of pictures, different exposures but the same location, merged together to form an animated gif file.

telephone cord

2008-11-12T14:51:00.000+09:00

if i call your name,
will you hear me?
if i call your number,
will you be there to answer?
or someone will?

i wish that at the end of this line,
i will hear your voice and all will be fine.

Antipolo Nighshoot

2008-11-10T16:41:00.000+09:00

Antipolo nighshoot overlooking manila, makati, qc, marikina and san juan.

Gladiator

2008-11-07T10:55:00.000+09:00

"what we do in life echoes eternity."

Sunshine after the Storm

2008-11-06T12:19:00.000+09:00

Storms may come into your life, but don't forget that there will always be sunshine to brighten up your day and guide you through life.

10 floors down

2008-11-05T11:38:00.000+09:00

too in awe of you, i almost missed a step

and even if i didn’t i had still fallen ten floors down

only to find out that your image is a reflection

of everything that i already am

Sunset in our Hearts

2008-11-04T16:49:00.000+09:00

"When you lose someone… and you think you were the one who loved most, between the two of you… that someone lost more. For someday you can love someone the way that you loved that someone…But that someone will never be loved again the way that you did."

Night shoot at Marikina Riverbank

2008-10-25T14:41:00.000+08:00

September 16, 2008
10pm onwards

I was working at around 4pm when JF buzzed me, asking me to join them on a Chowking Congee EB. I turned down his offer because I still have a client to attend to after my regular work.

Before my regular work ended, Vinzer buzzed me telling me that he, Jabey and Randy will be having a night shoot at Marikina Riverbanks at around 9pm. At first i hesitated... because... I left my tripod at home... sigh... but then I realized that both of them brought their tripods so i can borrow any tripod from them (whoever will be).

All the while, I thought that Jabey will join us in the night shoot but to no avail, hhmmm, (how can i put it in words), "his laziness strikes again". bwahahaha. Then off I go to meet with Vinzer.

I arrived in Riverbanks around 9:15pm, bump, already closed, i need to buy some bubble plastic for my old lens so i can ship it to Davao.

Vinzer texted me that we should meet in Greenwhich. Ok, Greenwhich it is. I ordered their cheapest meal available (1 slice of pizza and some spags with 1 glass of iced tea). Vinzer arrived and i say "bbuuurrppp".

We met Randy at the back of Riverbanks, then we walked going to Marcos Highway, we settled just a little far under the bridge (hhuuuwwwaaattt??). We took a couple of night shots. I borrowed any tripod available. I even used my bag as a tripod.

After a few hours of shooting (naks.. artistahin.. pa burger naman.. burger.. burger... ), we decided to pack up. Upon walking back to Riverbanks Mall. Ooopppssss... wait.. I told them... let me borrow a tripod.. okay.. Randy handed his tripod to me, I set it up, took a couple of shot under the LRT line 2 tracks. hehehe.. "nainggit ang mga loko". bump.. no more tripod for me, but... "maabilidad tayo eh".. i used a monopod. (what monopod? wait.. let me explain...). Theres this thing.. what should i call it? the bar where they ties the boat so that the flow of the river won't wash it away.. that's it.. imagine all you want. don't make me beat myself explaining more of this whatever that is.

I used it as a monopod, i believe Vinzer took a picture of me while using the "monopod". Again, we took a couple of shot and some group hugs. We then decided to really stop the shooting.. but we started the shoting.. kurslayt mode.

We ended up in a newly opened bar, WTF, i can't remember the bar's name. wait.. let me get my wallet, got it!!!! "Cafe Mina". We order 1 bucket of kurslayt and some platters. They're so accommodating.

We took some pictures of the food we ordered...

At around 2 am, we decided to go home.

more pictures here
http://accemm.multiply.com
http://www.flickr.com/accemm

rusty barbedwire

2008-09-10T12:49:00.000+08:00

This is a shot from a barbedwire fence in Mt. Samat, Bataan.

A couple of friends and I went there to experience what is it like at the summit of Mt. Samat.

here are some photos I took during the trip.

a panoramic picture of the valley near the mountain.

a long look of the cross.

Road to Pinatubo - a fun adventure

2008-09-01T09:43:00.000+08:00

"road to pinatubo"

"start of the trekk"

"the crater"

after the erruption of Mt. Pinatubo last 1991, 8 of my friends and I trekked to the lahar up to the Mt. Pinatubos crater last August 24, 2008. It's a fun and tiring trekk, but when we reached the summit, it's a one helluva experience i will never forget. the beauty of the crater is "stunning". one of my photography group mate said "a beauty behind the devastation". too bad we only stayed 2 hrs in the crater because of the hard rain and i only took a few shots. but still it's a fun experience.

Divine Intervention

2008-08-31T10:21:00.000+08:00

blue rays of sunset overcasting the capones island in pundaquit san antonio zambales.

Butterfly Macro

2008-08-30T13:48:00.000+08:00

Worlds of Butterfly in Marikina, Philippines

sunset at my place

2008-08-29T09:29:00.000+08:00

while i was waiting for a friend. i noticed the orange clouds formation. i was stunned by the beauty of it, so i took out my camera and took a couple of pictures. here is the best shot.